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prettiest mess you've ever seen
Hey all! I just overhauled the design of my website and added some new features. Would you mind checking it out and letting me know what you think??

Warning: May be NSFW! Contains bra & panty pics in header

I am no web designer, so I know it's not that pretty. But feel free to totally rip into it.


A fun capture from one of my favorite gigs lately - La Boum Brunch at L'Enfant Cafe! Every Saturday this cafe shuts the blinds and turns up the music as the champagne flows... it's a party brunch! Get reservations here:

This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.
My most popular act is also one of my oldest - Yolanda Banana, The Banana Act. I think it is pretty special, but it is by no means a flashy, stage-filling act. It falls short for two reasons: The choreo is sloppy and the costume is amatuer.

During the last year I think I've improved the choreo quite a lot. I've been emulating simple, characteristic Carmen Miranda moves and adding a great deal of my newfound poise and deliberation.

But the costume is still lacking! No small reason for that is the fact that I designed and sewed the entire costume myself. Since the picture above, I've bedazzled the vest (removing the buttons), bedazzled the skirt, and added a larger, brighter headdress. It's a small improvement that makes me proud to wear the costume in smaller  venues & bar shows. However, it still looks really DIY. A whole new, shinier, pouffier costume is required if I want to make this act my signature!

Naturally I look to Carmen Miranda's amazing and extravagant dance costumes for ideas! This is what I'm imagining for my new costume. Not the most flashy of Carmen's movie costumes... I think it is something I can make myself (I excel at ruffles!) and adjust into pieces for stripping.

The skirt I can handle; it makes sense. But the top and the armwarmers are terrifying to me! I don't know where to start with drafting a pattern for that.... 

Then I have to make a HUGE hat/headpiece! augh! I think I might commission that b/c I'm not sure I can make something that will hold as much fruit as I want...

My feeling is that coordinating the color & fabric of the dress, top and hat, over-embellishing, and over-acessorizing with lots of matching bulky beaded necklaces and bangles will help me to achieve the stage-worthy, dramatic, and awesome costume that I need to make this my signature act!

Getting a 1099 from Vaudezilla was probably the best thing to happen to my tax return in years. Since I have to pay taxes on some of my income from 2010, I can now deduct all of the "business expenses" that went into this little hobby of mine! So, I pulled up my calendar and started trying to quantify my self-employed side job. And what I found was kind of astounding! So I'm posting it here to share, the expenses of a year in burlesque and modeling.

In 2010 I performed, hosted or produced a total of 62 shows. I estimated that I spent about $15 for drinks, meals, and local transportation (cab fare) for each show, for a total of $930. I am sure that my credit card receipts from Exit, Blue Bayou and Palace will reflect at least that much, haha.
Jan: 5 \ Feb: 9 \ Mar: 9 \ Apr: 7 \ May: 8 \ June: 1 \ Jul: 3 \ Aug: 1 \ Sep: 3 \ Oct: 10 \ Nov: 2 \ Dec: 4
Total Shows: 62, $930 Meals & Local Transport

I also participated in 4 overnight events that required travel, lodging, or other major expense (i.e. meals). For each I allowed myself $100 for meals.

Grand Rapids Jan 30: $150 transport & lodging
WCBF April 15: $100 misc
NYC Calendar shoot: $300 transportation
Chicago in October: $300 transportation (airfare)

Travel totals: $1250

I included the cost of the calendars I purchased along with cards and stickers to estimate a total of $240 Advertising expenses.
Calendar: $130 (advertising)
Cards & stickers: $70 (advertising)
Website domains: $40

I did 11 photo shoots this year. For each shoot I allowed myself $10 for Local Transportation, total: $110

I paid for 5 related workshops and 2 series of dance classes this year, each cost $20-70. Training Total: $270

I paid application fees for 7 burlesque festivals, and entered 2 contests. Fees varied from $10-30. Total Application Fees: $140

And the big one... Supplies! I spent only about half an hour going through the ordering history of about 7 of my favorite suppliers (Amazon, Paypal (etsy), Electrique Boutique, Tamis Place, Modcloth, Pinup Girl, iTunes). I guesstimated some basic amounts for fabric, trim & notions (but I'm sure it's a lot more)

Rhinestones - $100
Costume parts - Kitty Cat (full costume) $200; fur coat $100; misc etsy $165
Costume, contest & shoot clothing - Modcloth $260, Pinupgirl $200, Electrique $50
Fabric & trim - est. $200
Music for routines - $50
Props supplies (Amazon) - $20
misc pasties (individual sellers) - $60
Pinup-style Hairdos - Jan, Mar, Aug, Oct, Dec  = $650
Specialized beauty i.e. makeup, lashes, etc - $120
Total Est. Supplies $2175


WHEW! That's a lot of money that I've spent on this ridiculous hobby in just one year!

Some of these estimates are kind of generous, but I bet there is a lot that I didn't think, or under estimated. I wonder how much I've spent on bananas and hot dogs alone?!

Gee, I feel: curious curious


Hawaii was really great. Probably our best family vacation ever. I only wish I could have stayed longer. 4 days in Maui was certainly not enough! Also, almost everyone was sick and we all went to bed at like 9pm every night. I didn’t get sick until the last day, and I’m just now getting over it. I basically wasted all of this past weekend at home in bed, sleeping for hours, watching that  Airbender cartoon, and playing Left 4 Dead/watching Christian play Dragon Age.


Life feels way different now that I have a much tinier social life. I’m not trying to whine about it anymore or anything. I’m just trying to settle into my new rhythm, which includes a lot more downtime. It’s scary b/c my non-stop social life was really a part of my self-actualized identity. And without it, I’m left feeling a bit lost. I feel like I’m peeling away the layers of myself (identity and personality) and rebuilding. My reluctance to do this has been based in a fear that the interesting and fun side is only in the outer layers, as defined by other people, and that the core is just a shitty selfish, confused person. But as I spend each day taking deep breaths, finding peace in what blessings I have, and trying not to be afraid of change, I’m beginning to feel the relief of knowing that my fears are silly and I’m not actually a shitty person. Apparently the middle layers were a lot of self-doubt and insecurity. Nowadays, with love & support from C & family, and faith in myself, I’m certain that I’ll be okay, and that a still-quite-interesting-and-fun Pam is there at the heart.


Baby steps of rebuilding are marks of progress. I‘ve been reading more. I turned down a gig right after Thanksgiving so I could leave the weekend open to spending time w/ family. I’m generally just feeling better about accepting the newly acquired hours and hours of leisure time. You’d think it would be easy, haha! I’m also enjoying my dance classes, and looking for a gym (I’m so flabby, yuck).

That said… October is shaping up to be an extremely busy month! With the new gig proving intermission entertainment for Solas Nua’s Improbable Frequency, I’m performing 2-4 times each week. I also have several friends visiting this month – last week Kristin aka Trixie Sparx swung in for lunch (sadly I was feeling under the weather, but we enjoyed lobster & wine anyhow!), tomorrow my buddy Kris will be in town for work, and at the end of the month I expect to see Mike and several other friends who are coming to DC for the Stewart-Colbert rally (and Halloween!) Plus, C and I are planning a trip to NYC and Philly this weekend… and I’m very excited to be heading back to Chicago for a little visit Oct 14-18, where I will be performing w/ Vaudezilla again at the Lincoln Fair on Friday night!


Decided not to flake on the Dr Sketchys show. I just would have felt awful about it. Thanks for all the moral compass comments <3

I also was contacted by a local theater company to provide some intermission burlesque entertainment for a WWII-era musical! The musical sounds really cute - it's zany, lots of wordplay, set in Ireland and featuring real historic figures such as physicist Erwin Schroedinger. hee! I've heard that the troupe themselves are some of the best in the area... and the concept is pretty neat. Apparently they've taken over a whole floor of an unfininshed office building and are turning it into a speakeasy-style themed theater space. There will be cigarette girls and elevator operators and all sorts of jazz. I'm doing nine shows for them - a lot of Wednesdays & Thursdays and a couple weekend dates too. Exciting!

In the whirl to accept new gigs (and confirm previous commitments), I rescheduled my whole month, upsetting all the plans C and I had packed into October to create a very busy Autumn. We got into a bit of a fight about it. He was irritated that I rescheduled so easily, when I had been the one to originally insist that we sit down and make decisions about how we would spend our time. I like to schedule things in advance, but in doing so I give each event it's priority, knowing that new opportunities are going to pop up. And when they do, I can look at the calendar and make more critical decisions, knowing what leisure activities I might be giving up. "Is commiting to this show more or less important that going to Philly for a haunted house?"

I've been running my busy schedule like this for two years. I can't tell you how much I resented C in that moment when he suggested that I stop and consult him and his ambiguous feelings about certain plans. In my mind we had already discussed alternating plans, suggested which travel plans we were likely to abandon. I know I should accept and embrace that I am now sharing my life with this person and naturally it would be reasonable that I would consult him before making plans w/ other people/things. But I don't WANT to! hahaha, I mean, I know that's sort of childish but MAN did I not want to compromise the freedom of managing my own schedule. I straight up told C this will continue to be an issue between us.

So I had to reschedule my trip to Chicago. I am looking at the weekend of Oct 15: arriving the evening of Thursday, Oct 14 and leaving the early morning on Monday, Oct 18. I left it open-ended right now so that the weekend would be free if C decided he really wanted to do something together. When we get back from Hawaii (and I get paid) I will be buying my ticket (or not) for sure. Would love to hear from my Chicago friends if they will be in town and stuff? I'd love to perform w/ Vaudezilla in the Lincoln Fair that Friday too.. :)

We are really slowly getting settled in at home. I've unpacked everything excepy my winter clothes. Now we need to decorate! I can't wait to hang all my paintings & posters. Then we're going to have a housewarming party! We have two ideas: A Dumpling Party, where we cook (and ppl can bring) all types of dumplings from different cuisines. or a Dia De Los Muertos party, which could potentially be on the actual date, which happens to be a Tuesday. Would people come to a party on a Tuesday night? I'm not sure, but I will say that we're better stocked for a party on the small side, anyway. Well, we'll have 9 hours on the plane TO HAWAII THIS WEEK!!! to dicuss it :)

Gee, I feel: excited excited


Lately I have been thinking a little about prioritizing things in my life. Prioritizing burlesque (what else—it is my only hobby) is a big and visible and comparatively easy-to-tackle issue. The balance of hassle to payoff has shifted a lot since I moved to DC.

The hassles are many: Scheduling away all my free time is now a hassle b/c I want to spend time with my boyfriend and getting settled into my home. I thought I would want to hit the ground running here in DC, but instead I find that I want to dig in a little first. Pestering people to come to shows is frustrating. With no base of friends and a lack of community support, as well as a lack of just general city-wide interest, it’s a lot harder to bring people to shows.
*edited to add: I feel really fortunate for the friends I've made here who have come to support me and see my shows!! I totally don't want to belittle that. Just trying to compare where I am w/ this subjectively. If anything, I feel like a jerk b/c I have missed other people's social events due to lack of transport and moping!

The payoff of this hobby is mainly Performance and Money. I’ll admit I get a huge amount of satisfaction from performing. However, lately getting inspired from performances is like dragging my feet through mud.  There’s also Notoriety. In Chicago, the more shows I did the more pseudo-local-celebrity I earned, and that was enough to keep me working hard. Doing shows in questionable scenarios for the “exposure” actually paid off, often directly: networking led to more shows, and a variety of opportunities in new mediums. Unfortunately that’s not really been happening here. Even worse, I find myself frustrated with opportunities that would only be convenient to me if I had a car (which I don’t).

For example, here is a scenario which encompasses of all aspects of my frustration. Back in July, frustrated with the lack of gigs I could find, I contacted the girl who runs the local Dr Sketchys. I sold her, and she excitedly agreed to book me. However, they didn’t have any openings until October 8, and the location is  out in the non-pub-transit-accessible suburbs. Depressed and desperate to find ANYthing to keep me busy, I said “Yes,” assuming I’d surely find a friend who would be willing to drive me to Vienna by then, right?

Fast forward 2 months to today…. I’ve all but forgotten about it. I have worked out the chance to go back to Chicago and visit my missed friends & family, and I’ve been super excited about it and making plans already. But then I realized that the weekend that I could go back to visit Chicago is also the weekend I had booked this Dr Sketchys thing. Augh!!!!!

Morally, it’s against my fiber to cancel a gig I’ve already confirmed as long as I can still do it well.
Emotionally, going home to Chicago would do a LOT to raise my spirits and make me happy.
Monetarily, it’s a $60 gig (will be spent immediately on cab fare & dinner). Very little exposure (I’m guessing).
HUGE HASSLE to get there.

So then there’s the Money factor. There’s not much money to be made in burlesque, but a dollar’s a dollar and you can’t really argue w/ cold hard cash. Especially in a loose community where the ramifications of being a jerk & a flake are not readily apparent. So I find myself at the point where, to assuage my guilty conscience, I’m looking at the payment amount as my sole decider for whether I want to take gigs or not, and even—I’m ashamed to say—whether I may cancel on a gig when something “better” comes up.

I’m already at the point where I am insisting on knowing the pay before I commit to new shows. But cancelling a previously confirmed gig – I don’t know if I want to go there. It doesn’t feel “right;” but I also know that I will be quite miserable to trade a trip home for a low-payoff gig.

What would you do?

In other news, I'm settling in quite nicely, finally. It took a while, but I think that I'm doing it right. C and I bought a huge bookshelf-thing from IKEA via Craigslist. I learned a valuable lesson: Don't buy IKEA furniture off Craigslist. Horrid condition. So I painted it over w/ a nice deep red. I also painted one of the walls in the kitchen w/ a cocoa-tinted chalkboard paint. It is such a deep rich brown, I swear it smelled like chocolate when I was painting. I'm getting back into baking as a stress-reliever/comfort - learning how to make pie crusts and a variety of pies sweet & savory is my goal for the winter. I am also going to jump back into baking my own bread. At some point I'm going to attempt macarons. Woo hoo!

I'm also trying to get back into reading and film. OH and I want to pick up a video game. I need something relatively easy w/ a good story, like Final Fantasy (turn-based, menu-driven action being the key). Oh I also loved Baldur's Gate. Something C and I could play together would be cool. Would love any suggestions!


This is a very interesting article by Dan Savage, and it's making the rounds in the burlesque community.

"...Because without some negative feedback, without criticism, the local burlesque bubble is destined to burst."

When I started burlesque, I tried very hard to spend time w/ my audience after every show to find out what they liked and didn't like. But as I got more involved in the community, and more personally invested in what was more like a HOBBY than a JOB (b/c I wasn't making very much money)... I started to care more about challenging myself to grow and learn and accomplish new things. I now would like to receive the approval of my peers, perform at a level I am proud of, and mentor new performers.

I agree w/ the commentor who said: "Why not support something that has a following, builds community, and obviously people enjoy or else they would not be packing out the house." b/c A) I agree that the community is precious even if it's not super profitable or achieving great strides of progress for *art* and B) ticket sales ultimately determine success.

On the other hand, I have seen plenty of bad burlesque. I have seen a lot that is just amatuer, clumsy, awkward. I have seen a lot that is way too personally charged-- like a performer trying to make a political statement and just failing. I have also seen a lot of "pretty" burlesque that frankly bores me.

I often am cringing on the sidelines, wondering how the audience can tolerate what I'm seeing. Do they notice? Am I just a burlesque snob? I would LOVE to hear what the audience REALLY thinks of me.

I do think that burlesque as a Ticketed Stage Show and burlesque as Free/Cheap Bar Entertainment are too very different things and should be held to different standards. 

As much as I love the community, I don't think we challenge each other enough as peers. I would also love to know what my peers honestly think of my performances. I wish we could tell each other what we'd fix, and give each other ideas. Why isn't this happening more?

I love burlesque and as it's becoming more mainstream, I really hope we, the performers, can hold on to control of what we are putting out there and telling the audience what they should expect, and delivering. I would be really bummed if burlesque is truly doomed to be the next cool thing to hate on, making it okay to bash women and our bodies and our sex appeal in what has been a fairly safe haven so far.

What do YOU think?

Gee, I feel: curious curious


I need to get rid of shit before I move! You guys on Livejournal are getting a preview of the sale.

Shoes and wigs will be sold separately. Prices are listed.

All costumes are one-of-a-kind, custom-designed and -made, specifically to my measurements. Generally they will fit a size 4 or 6. Measurements below. All costumes have been worn 2-6 times, but carefully stored. Nothing should have been damaged, but I will be thoroughly checking tonight. Unfortunately I can only upload camera phone pics of the costume in current condition b/c I misplaced my camera over the weekend. But if you want pics or have questions or a serious offer, please contact me here or at

Chest: 36"
Waist: 26"
Hips: 38"
thigh: 20"
from shoulder to crotch: 26.5"

Dazzler: $100 OBO
- Bodysuit (holographic stretch spandex)
- Various accessories & blue face paint
- Glitter & Jewel encrusted platform mid-calf boots, size 7.5: $40
- Long blonde wig: $30
Dazzler Dazzler

Cutey Honey: $150 OBO
- Bodysuit w/ built in bra cups & sash at neck (4-way stretch vinyl)
- Collar that velcros on *made by me
- Armband
- Gloves (stretch vinyl)
- Boot tops
- Styled & custom-dyed wig: $40
- White high-heeled boots (not the ones pictured): $50
LA 145 

Dr Mrs The Monarch: $200 FIRM
This costume was ripped during a burlesque performance, but it's been repaired & patched in the back. It is a bit noticeable but think it's still pretty awesome.
- Bodysuit w/ short sleeves and detachable "wings" (stretch pleather)
- Long vinyl gloves (2-way stretch vinyl)
- Spats for high heel shoes (2-way stretch vinyl)
- Crown (pins to wig) and collar (stretch vinyl)
- Deep-V bra w/ sequined butterflies (to wear underneath)
- Very well worn yellow pumps, size 7.5 (included for free b/c they're crappy)
- Wig: Unstyled, $25 / Styled, $50

Scarlett of GI Joe: $150 OBO
- Leggings w/ pockets (stretch faux suede)
 - Long-sleeve undershirt (stretch faux suede)
- Yellow bodysuit w/ detachable shouder guard (spandex)
- gloves (spandex)
- utility belt and pouches (faux leather)
Orig price $240
- boots, size 7.5, soles need repairing but wearable for shoots: $50
- Unstyled wig: $25
- Crossbow (needs repairs to function): $20

Pink of Dragon Pink: $40
- hand-painted halter dress w/ built-in bra (stretch spandex)
- Collar w/ Bell
- Ears & tail (pin-on)
- styled wig: $50
*painting & wig styling by me
(red belt/sash NOT included)

Zhora of Blade Runner: $100 OBO
- Bra (size 36C)
- belt w/ hanging silver thigh "straps"
- Leg gauntlets (strap-on)
- Clear raincoat
- Curly wig included
(Black underwear & black shoes or boots NOT included)
*All sewing & construction except raincoat by me
Zhora, Blade Runner as shot by Yaya

All costumes were made by unless otherwise noted.


Wow, I'm so super excited for the first ever Windy City Burlesque Festival  this weekend!


I can't wait to see performers I love from around the world perform right here in my favorite city, Chicago. I'm talking about Kitten Deville, Anna Fur Laxis, Delilah, Tomahawk Tassels, Gia Nova, Perle Noir, Penny Starr Jr. --damn, there's still more I want to name, too!

There will be shows every night from Thursday to Saturday, and you don't want to miss your chance to see these fabulous shimmy shakers.

Check out the lineup!
I'm performing on Friday at 8pm w/ our Vaudezilla Troupe group act, and my solo act from Blazing Saddles "I'm Tired" on the Main Stage Saturday at 8pm. ;)

Buy your tickets, too - ASAP b/c I hear this show will SELL OUT!

If you're interested in burlesque, there are a bunch of great classes you can take on Saturday, taught by the same legendary performers who will be gracing our stage.  These classes are general public, open to anyone who's interested! I know I'm excited for:

Bump and Grind with Kitten DeVille
$20, 1-2pm
Samba Burlesque with Kellita (Recommended for Burlesque Beginners!)
$20, 2-3pm
Business of Burlesque with Katherine Lashe
$15, 5-6pm

AAAAAAANNNNNDDDD If that's not enough for you! Donna Touch and I have organized a rockin' After Party for after the shows, both Friday *and* Saturday nights! And with your WCBF ticket stub, you get free cover and a FREE SHOT! I won't complain if you give me your free shot ;)


Friday Night -

Amp Rock Lounge located at 1909 North Lincoln Avenue Chicago, IL 60614
(about three blocks south of the theater)

Saturday Night -
Lincoln Lounge located at 3010 N. Lincoln Ave., Chicago, IL 60657
(about eight blocks north of the theater)


Go check out the website and buy some tickets while you still can! Then, comment and let me know which show(s) you're going to. Stop me and say HI too, okay!



Gee, I feel: jubilant jubilant


Actually, it's

All the interesting shit where I'm not advertising sumthin' is set to Friends only. So yeah, you have to log in to read about my amazing and titillating life. If you want to read, just add me. If I don't know you, comment me first.

Oh yeah, and please don't ask if you're my:
- mom
- daddy
- grandma, grandpa
- boss
- coworker
- HR Director
- boyfriend

Sorry, it's just... I'd rather vent to strangers.

I will be in Washington DC Feb 13-16, which also happens to be Katsucon! So I think I'm going to stop by and hang out for a while. Probably on Sunday...

If you're going to be there, let me know! Let's party! Do ppl party on Sunday at Katsu? Monday is a holiday, so...

I would love to do a couple photo shoots, too. I'm interested in shooting costume, pinup, or lingerie shoots. If you're a photographer who wants to shoot, let me know please! If you know any good ones who will be there, please pass along info.

Thanks a bunch! 


I need to get a whole bunch of warm winter/fall clothes for work. Does anyone know of any good sales that are going on this weekend? I need a lot of stuff, but I don't have more than a couple hundred bucks to spend :\


I lean toward the funky/trendy, but I need to focus on practical & conservative for work. So I'm looking for 1-2 pencil skirts, 1-3 nice sweaters/turtlenecks/knit blouses, 1-3 pairs nice dress pants, 1 black basic cardigan, and 1 bulky soft sweater. I also need basics like socks & tights.


I know I could get all this stuff at Banana Republic or The Limited or something… it's been so long since I shopped for real work clothes. Where can I get the most bang for my buck? I cannot abide thrift stores, I get panicky. I can barely stomach places like Filene's & TJ Maxx, either -- but I will endure this time for the sake of saving money. Any store suggestions are most appreciated.


I was thinking of hitting State Street, and I usually go to

Macy's (Marshall Fields miss u s0 bad)

Forever 21



Urban Outfitters (I never end up buying anything here though)




And then I usually head up to Nordstrom on Michigan Ave just so I have an excuse to stop in at Vosges, Sephora & Armani Exchange.


Thanks, guys!


In return for your shopping advice, I offer you this code for 30% off any purchase at Nine West, plus free shipping.

30% off all regular-price items / 20% off all sale items

enter promotion code NWFRND6 at checkout

Hey guys! By popular demand, we're bringing back our Big Lebowski Burlesque for a couple more encore shows! This time... at Chopin Theater! How exciting!!

$15 Advance Tickets available now:

Friday, October 23
8:00pm & 10:00pm
Chopin Theatre
1543 W Division St

You've never seen Big Lebowski Burlesque like you'll see it at Chopin Theatre!

Here are some awesome pics courtesy of Oomphotography! Click for more! 

Vaudezilla presents "Rollin' Outta Here Naked: A Big Lebowski Burlesque"
ENCORE PERFORMANCE October 23 @ Chopin Theatre - get tickets TODAY:

Sponsored by Diversey Rock n Bowl, Lisa Hulls Surprise Parties, Challengers Comics, and Oomphotography

Red Hot Annie / Maude
Wham Bam Pam / Walter
Donna Touch / Bunny
Maria May I / Jesus
Bonny Babs / The Nihilist
Logan Conner / The Dude
Dick Dijon / Marty the Landlord & Jackie Treehorn
The Vaudezilla Vixens / Bowling Showgirls

Image by Oomphotography -

Don't miss your last chance to see this show... or come see it again! 
$15 Advance Tickets available now:

Gee, I feel: enthralled enthralled

wtf this is
Name: pamelaNeko
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Back April 2011
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